Please Pray

Eve is still unwell...not really ill enough to rush off to hospital just now but not really getting any better. I truly do not want to spend tonight in hospital if it can be avoided, 18 years ago tonight David and I were keeping vigil beside Luke's bed...his last night with us...it never seems to get any easier.

In church this morning we san some Hymns that were beautiful but also had my tears flowing. Oh love that Wilt not let me go was the final straw...I rest my weary soul in Thee...Oh Lord yes i do and i thank you so much for alllowing me to rest in you.
I give Thee back the life I owe, that in thine ocean's depths it's flow, my richer fuller be!

oh Joy that follwest me through pain, >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain. That morn shall tearless be! well that moning may be this mornng wasn't! I was sobbing by the end of the Hymn and barely managed to finish...choking my way through the Lords prayer I sank to my seat and frantically searched for a tissue...the choice was a dirty bib or a screwed up tissue used for goodness knows what last??? The tissue sufficed! As I managed to wipe my eys and lok up Nic, the minister caught my eye....coming across he asked if I was OK? Of course cue tears...we hugged and I explained that it would be 18 years tomorrow since Luke died...sharing a similar burden we were able to console mutually without fear of hurt or embarrassment....I thank God daily for leading us into this wonderfully loving Church home! Whn we left Cowes there was a part of me that really hurt leaving behind the new minister and his wife...I felt we could become great friends...we had some similar traits and thoughts and I felt at home with them...ye I ws convinced of the Lords guidance right to the door of this house! We really do feel loved by this Church and although I have a burning love for the people of Cowes Baptist Church and pray for them regularly too I kno for sure we are where God has led us. I really don't know whether the months at the last Church were wrong or just for the short period we were there were right? i have to hand that to God...it happned we made friends we felt love and we were led away quite deffinitely.
yesterday I bumped into a Lady from the Church we spen three weeks at in the interim...It was lovely to reassure them that we had not lt in bad feeling but were now where we felt God wanted us...I am certain our few weeks there was meant to be!

Sorry I digress 18 years without our first son! Luke gave us so much, he taught us so much, we are still learning, we are still remembering, we are still hurting but I know Luke is safe in the arms of Jesus, a jewel in His crown. My arms are empty and there is a hole in my heart but I know Luke is in a far better place.

We never got to share a birthday with Luke. He died on the day before his 4th birthday. This means we have his aniversary of his death and the remembrance of his birthday one after the other...we always try to celebrate Luke's birthday in some way...I am not sure how we will do that this year.

I do not know what the future holds but I am glad I know who holds the future!