What is God's idea of a straight path?

When I was Baptised at the age of 12 I was given a Bible Verse...It has remained a very special support to me throughout my life.

Proverbs 3 v5-7...ok a Bible passage.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear The Lord and shun evil.

THat is all well and good but other versions substitute direct your paths....to make your paths straight.

Here I come unstuck....the path of my life seems to me to be anything but straight.

Prior to choosing my options for O'levels I was planning on doing medicine as a career. During those two years I faltered, not keen on the university option, too much of a bhome lover to contemplate 7 years at Medical School...I started lowering my sights to maybe Physiotherapy or even Nursing, I knew I wanted to be in the caring professions, I wanted to be making a difference to people I wanted to be in that sphere.

I did OK with my O'level's probably not as good as I could have if I had put more effort in, but I was fairly satisfied with the results and started looking at A'levels....however between the O'levels and the A'level course we had a serious road accident in France and my back was damaged, I had suffered with a knee problem for some time and also had a serious chest issue, Studying became more difficult, I missed time off my course due to severe back pain, unable to sit for any length of time I tried to keep on top of my studies from bed, I got to the end of the first year and kew that I was going to have to resit that year to get anywhere. I began to wonder if this was the right course for me to be on...meanwhile I had met and fallen in love with David, by half way through the next year I was losing heart at school and for the first time in my school life I did not want to stay at school any longer. I think everyone was shocked by this decision not least myself. Lots of prayer and thought and plans examined and I found myself doing a computer course at college....
Fast forward a couple of years and I am working in a Builders Merchants. I must have been the employee with the elast appropriate qualifications to be working in the accounts department of a Builders Merchants but I knew I was where God had directed me.....I did not quite see it as a straight road but hey...this is where I was.
It came in very useful working for a builders Merchants at that time. My parents were rebuilding their house and David and I bought our first home also in need of much building work...I had staff prices for both houses and it worked out very well for all of us.

David and I married in May 1981, and two weeks later discovered David had been made redundant...again fast forward to the finding of a new job 16 months later and we were moving house, our plans for a family soon after marriage were not happening, out lives seemed tipped upside down and shaken around a few times, In 1985 we found ourselves moving down to Cornwall to be nearer Mum and Dad and looking into our plans to adopt.
Each move each step each change bathed in prayer by us and for us and on our behalf...We felt God led, but it didnt feel straight!
Our plans to adopt in Cornwall were dashed painfully, we also suffered several miscarriages in very early stages and one a bit further on...we eventually felt God's hand firmly directing us to the other end of the country and we found ourselves settling into the Community of East Lancashire. Here we at long last fulfilled our hopes of becoming parents. Luke a blessing from God for sure, an answer to much prayer and the start of a new era of our complex life. Yes God directed, no doubts there but looking back there seemed so many twists and turns and plans and hopes and futures raised and dashed and then this.
How we loved our son, how we enjoyed being parents, how we wondered what on earth we had taken on and would we ever learn the patience necessary to be GOOD parents....yes we were deffinitely human, made mistakes pulled our hair out at constant crying at times and despite being so proud and pleased and happy to have Luke in our lives it was certainly not all sunshine and roses round the door.
Then the totally unthinkable happened and Luke died!
Our lives came crashing down around us and we were devastated, grief cut through us like a knife. Our families were there, wanting to make it better. Mum and Dad travelled up almost instantly to be with us, friends in Cornwall leaping into the fore to enable them to drop the reigns of their Nursing Home business and drive up to us. God's hand was there, visibly and tangibly making things happen. Ensuring the necessary formalities were able to be met and ensuring we had loving arms around us.
Yes we could and can see God's hand in there, we can be certain He was guiding but Straight Paths??
Onwards our lives have travelled, always I am sure that when our decisions and actions have been prayer driven God has guided us to where He wants us. There are times in our lives I cannot see waht He has done through us but I believe we have been guided. I dont suppose we always got it right. Even so God has turned Satan's Importunity into His opportunity.

Looking back at our decision to adopt our 5th child. God's hand can be seen guiding and directing the pathway to enable Eve to come to us.
A chat session with Tia, pointing out Baby Isabelle, the coming together of all the factors that led to us being taken up for Isabelle, being able to offer support and Love to her birth family and ultimately attending her funeral and meeting her wider family. And then the ultimate approval for another child and Eve's coming to us. God led I am certain but a straight path?

Now fast forwarding again in this potted history of me!
Our Journey to Lincolnshire, through one Church and onto another, God led, certainly blessings along the way, now in a Church family where we are loved, where the children are accepted and where David feels comfortable talking to the Minister and all His family. That is an amazing thing in itself. David has long since felt uncomfortable in Church and avoided contact with Church people. Yet he feels so comfortable with this Church. Comes along to events, takes Photos, talks to people and welcomes the Pastor into our home. Even feeling comfortable enough to sit and chat whilst keeping one eye on Emmerdale! David has also entered the Ministers home on his own and sat drinking tea and chatting when he has taken one of the girls home. To the point where I have had to ring up to see what time he left only to find he and Nic are still chatting!
It is fantastic! I love it! I pray it leads to him feeling comforatble to come back to Church and reaffirm his faith in Christ! That is not looking like a soon to be time but God is almighty! Satan has his hold but in time God will release that hold and claim David back as bought with Christs blood.
On then to our present situation. So many issues causing us pain and grief.
Jonathan starting college has meant the Local Authority have a way to cause us more problems by refusing to look holistically at the family, refusing to make the necesary adjustments to their plans and allow him to travel with the girls in the morning. Instead using a seperate taxi firm to make almost and identical journey an hour later meaning we are stuck when needing to be at appointments with the girls.

Rosie has spent 12 days in what is believed to be Non Convulsive Status Epilepticus. Thankfully within 72 hours of increased treatment she is now back to being fun loving mischievous Rosie. I was begining to think we had lost her in this awful state of agitation/fear/pain and frustration.

Joshua and Christina thankfully are both doing well at school and settled in well this term.

Eve is slipping away, slowly but surely we see her life ebbing. Her energy levels are so much lower, she spent 48 hours asleep barely rousable, heart rate racing riddiculously and looking so frail. Thankfullly she has recovered somewhat from that episode but never quite making it back to where she was.

Then there is Dad. Back in July we heard he had been diagnosed with inoperable cancer. We were shattered convinced there was no way we would get to say goodbye. Then we learnt it was going to be possible for them to come and spend three days with us in August. They were precious days....sadly marred by Rosie's emerging Status, why? Why did that have to coincide with our last few days with Dad? Yet we were so glad to have those days, precious times stored away in our memory.

Dad then had the hope in front of him that just maybe there was a chance they could opreate.

Mum and Dad were at peace with the knowledge that God was calling Dad home. That soon he would get to meet his saviour face to face, a meeting he had longed for for so long. They were at peace and then that peace was shattered by hope. Only those who have walked that road may understand that strange phenomenon. Suddenly they were back on the rollercoaster of ifs, buts, and maybes...never quite sure what the post would bring, not quite sure what to hope for, not sure where this path was leading.....certainly God directed....but straight?

Yesterday was the day the surgeon was going to discover what hope there was...a long journey for Mum and Dad and my brother to the hospital out of county, a wearying journey. Only to discover that after a long morning of waiting and hoping and I am sure praying, that Dad's bloods were too out of sync to even contemplate the Biopsy. Clotting times were way out and the risk of heamorage was too great. So they made that long wearying journey home. Wearied and drained not only by a long journey, a day of waiting and hoping and probably fearing too, only to discover the hope that shattered the peace now lay in shattered shards around them too. God is in there! He is still directing, He is still in control. But a straight path?

So are we back where we were in July....only we arent. We are two months down the road, two months almost lost. And I cant see why?

I do know that underneath are the everlasting arms. I do know that All things work together for good to them that love the Lord. I do trust God is directing and showing us the way and there with us every step of the way and wiping our tears.

Yet I cant see the straight path!

I am so glad God gives us friends to share with, friends to pray with us and for us. I am so glad that prayer is our access to God's heart and that He hears and answers prayer.

Your prayers for our family are so much appreciated. I know there are many of oyu out there who pray for us and keep informed by this Blog. It is my outpouring, my permission not to keep tunring things over in my head, it is my outreach to you in the certain knowledge it will initiate and direct your prayers.
Thank you.