Sadness, Selfishness, Hope

Much sadness recently...not for us this time......not directly anyway...in the last month Three Children of friends have died. All of them suddenly only one with a cause we know of. My heart breaks daily for the pain their families are in...knowing a little of that from our own experience makesmefeel al the more helpess to help them. Prayer is all I haveto offer...how often do we use that term...all I can do is pray? Prayer is ALL...prayer is the best we can hope to offer. God has said
Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.Matthew 18:18-20

God loves to hear His children's voices...He wants us to come to Him and tell him about our day, offload our fears and concerns and tell Him about those people dear to us.

So when I come to God and bear up my friends broken hearts to Him He does not say...wellI knew that, tellme something new...Hear hears my prayer, He too cares about my friends and He alone knows the very depths of their thoughts and emotions and the place of their hearts.

We suffered the loss of our first son bck in 1990...the pain of his death is something I have relieved each time I have heard of my friends children's deaths. Each time I am transported back tothat hospital ward and can relive minute by minute the thoughts feelings and emotions of that time. The hurt i as real and as acute as it was all those years ago.

When I thinkof that hurt and that painand i experience it time and again i think to the heart of my God...whatit cost Him in those sam feelings of pain and sadness and loss to send quite deliberately His very much loved only son into such total suffering. Suffering very eliberately meted out on Him by the very people He came to save....how Jesus amidst that sufering and torture could cry outto God...not why me? not please make them stop! Not make this all end....but

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do!

God willingly sent His beloved son to suffer a tortuous death....then poured out allthe suffring of our sins on him and then turned His face away!

Then Jesus cried out in His agony.

My God My God Why hast thou forsaken me?

Romans 8 v 18 says

The sufferings of this world are not to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed in us.

I dont understand why children die young,why they often suffer,i dont understand why as parents we have to gothrough the loss of our children.

I do know that God understands and weeps with us and loves us more than we could ever imagine!

I have had a hard time struggling with the WHY? but I believe that Jesus got to the point in His suffering where He called out WHY? SO I am sure that he understands my whys too!

In Gethsemane Jesus was facing up to the death before Him and prayed.

If it be possible let this cup pass away from me never the less not my Will but thine be done.

As I am drawn to think of the possibilities ofthe deaths of my own children my cry/prayer pleading is the same...I dont want to faethis God but your will is more important to me.

The stress of Jesu'sthoughts and concerns caused Him sweat drops of blood.. I am crying tears and sobbing racking sobs at times in my attempts to come to terms with my friends pain and grief, my own pain and grief, my own memories and fears of the future...

is my own pain a selfish pain? the concerns we hav had recently ongoing,with our building, our own children's difficulties, our fears of what these concerns may lead us into, much of my worry load seems so insignificant when i compare it to the pain of those three families so recently berieved...but of course they are all still real and their cumulitive effect on our emotions are immense.

so where does all this leave me? Clinging to the hope of His promises.
hoping for assurance, Hoping for more faith to cling firmer and trust fuller.

Praying...for all I hold close
knowing Godknows the intimate details andwhen I know not what to pray, the spirit intercedes for me.

hugging my children that little bit more closely tonight