Tired

How an you be too tired to sleep? Why can I fall asleep as I type, as I read, whilst watching tv...even when talking to m husband....and then li awake for hours with all manner of nonsense going round and round in my head?

Do the people who touch my life and leave me realing with the effects of what they have said or done (or more often not said or done)have any idea of the impact of their actions...or inactions?

Do my actions or inactions affect others in a similar way? Do I ever say or do or not say or do things that leave people realing? I sincerely hope not. i hope that if I ever have hurt anyone in anything like the way our family has been hurt that they let me know so I can have the opportunity of putting right some of that wrong.

I think the fact that the inactions of the people who have caused our most recent distress has affcted the quality of lif of my children is what hurts most. But then there are things that have been said by people close to us that has caused distress to my children which hurts and which I am finding it hard to let go of. How do we deal when someone we love dearly hurts with their words, silences, actions and inactions? Sometimes a gentle word will help, but what when the person is totally unaware of the hurt, and I dont want to hurt by showing I am hurt or my chidlren are hurt....so many qestions and few answers. is Grace forgiving when the forgiven does not know they are perpetrators in the first place? Can you forgive when someone does not realsie they made a mistake? Is it possible to forgive but still feel the hurt...If I still feel the hurt does that mean I have not forgiven? If i discuss with somone else the hurt I feel does that make me wrong?
Is it a sin to feel hurt by someone after you have said you have forgiven them? i would like a change in how the relationship is but I dont want to cause hurt by showing I am hurt so I will never tell the person how hurtful it is so they will never change so why am I still allowing myself to be hurt?
Am I confused? YES!
Then there is the hurt caused by those who know they are causing us the distress. We want and need them to change, but in following through the formal complaint system we find further beaches of trust, further errors in judgeent and more to complain about. more to concern us about their atitude and misunderstanding of us.
Oh dear...wonder why I cant sleep


I do not know what the future holds...but I am clinging hard and fast to the fact that I DO KNOW who holds the future!
HERE IN THE GRACE OF GOD I STAND