Peadiatrician and a reality check!

This morning was always going to be tricky. The long awaited appointment with the peadiatrician for both girls! This is it, the head has to come right out of the sand and I need to talk about the future! The future for Eve that is!

Tensons were high at home...not least because the rabbit had escaped and was uncatchable! Homework that should have been done before monday morning was discovered not done, less than an hour to go before leaving for school. Rosie was refusing to eat, Eve had to have a bath and hair wash, Rosie needed a bath, Jonathan was trying to tell us something we couldn't quite get and then Mr B and Mr A arrived and there were some minor issues attempting to make themselves bigger than necessary!

Somehow most of the above was solved by the time the school runs started! Fluffy was caught and secured in the small run, homeworks were finished, School bags packed and children deposited in relevant vehicles. Somehow David and I could not commuicate...it would mean facing the fact we were hoping for something from this appointment but no wanting what we may get! This was one of the rare occasions we parted without a hug and kiss goodbye...

I was taking Joshua this morning as his school is on the way to the hospital. We were a little late getting off the drive but still made it to the school with time to spare. It is very unnerving sat outside your child's school watching the kids meet up and share their cigarettes, raucous laughter, and very odd behaviour from some year 11 boys. I am not comfortable with the fact that the children all gather outside the school grounds it seems dangerous to me...all stood along the pavement with double decker busses dropping off and pulling away. Maybe I am just over protective!

Once Joshua headed off to school me and the girls headed off to Tesco for fuel. On Saturday I had earned a 5p off per litre token at a different Tesco...their petrol station was closed so I pulled into this one with a good feeling...the deisel was 2p a litre cheaper anywway and with the 5p a litre token made it the cheapest I had seen for a long while. The good feeling disappeared rapidly as I realised I had given Christina the token to hold onto until we reached the petrol station on Saturday...it is possibly in the pocket of the jacket she was wearing on Saturday, that would be the jacket I put in the washing machine this morning! sigh!!!

Bus filled we headed off to the hospital with mounting fear, anxiety, dread...all sorts of issues running around vying for the best attention in my head. I pulled into the hospital car park 20 minutes before our appointment time and fell apart! I really dont know if I can deal with this anymore! How do you keep going when so many things seem to be going so wrong? How do you deal with bad news after bad news, mistake, error, fault, wrong word, whether yours or someone elses...no malice intended but hurt felt....yours or somone elses! Sometimes it is all too big...the Answer? PRAYER! Sometimes i just dont know what to pray how to pray, the words to use?
The Bible tells me that:
when I know not what to pray the Spirit will intercede with groanings that cannot be uttered!
I am holding you to that Lord!

I also called tw o people I know can pray, and who each have an insight into some of the issues I was struggling with.

Thanks Nic and Tia. (sorry Nic I had forgotten Monday is your day off thank you for not reminding me.)

So eventually I managed the strength to get into clinic helped by a kind man who pushed Rosie to the reception area. We booked in and went to the waiting room Rosie was keen to get out and explore.
There were several Mummies and children there, Rosie engaged every one of the Mummies peventing their boredom and taking their minds off the fact the clinic was running over an hour late. Each of them reading books, playing giant connect 4, building with bricks and clearing up the pencils each time she discovered the hiding place!
Eventually it was our turn....There were 3 medical students there for Rosie to keep occupied....and she did it with all of her being. whilst I was able to concenrate on putting over my concerns to Dr C.

So much to say and ask and wonder, Dr C listened and looked and wondered...read the notes, the letters and looked again at Eve. She agreed with most of what we saw, thought we saw and wondered if we really saw...agreed the fatigue and loss of skills were real....and agreed to write to Neuro about our concerns so he had it from her as well as us.

It was one thing thinking/seeing/wondering these concerns ourelves....to have them confirmed and written in confrmation is just another step altogether!

Feeling vulnerable, fearful , concerned right now...not knowing the future.... is different now.

I can still say with absolute assurance:-
I do not know what the future holds...but I am glad I know who holds the future.

Proverbs 3v5-7
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

I do not have any understanding of what is happening...all I can do is Trust Him to guide me through the days.

Your prayers appreciated!