Count your Blessings

A song I remember from Sunday School of my childhood

Count your Blessings name them one by one.
Count your Blessings see what God has done,
Count your Blessings, name them one by one
And it will suprise you what the Lord has done!

OK I have a wonderful husband who is very handy with a screw driver etc...he has done loads of work around the house saving us a fortune byt doing things others would have charged an awful lot of money for. He is also a great dad doing loads with and for the kids.

kids...I have 5 kids who are each a blessing, hey all get on together on the whole and look out for one another. they are kind caring and loving. All achieveing in heir own way and all very very tolerat of their various ailments and disabilities always doing their best at everything,

We have a home, albeit in disarray with various works going on, but we have a rof over our heads and beds to sleep in. The fridge cupboards and Freezer all have food in.We have running water from the tap. We have electric to cook and heat by and we have parafin heaters with parafin to heat the house.
We have many luxuries, a washing machine, a tumble drier, coking equipment and refrigeraton, we have clothes to wear and furniture to sit on. We have cameras and computers, televions and radio.
Moreover we have friends who help us and listen to us,we havefriends who care for us andwho are comfortable enough withusto sharetheir joys sorrows and concerns.

We have a Church family who prays for us, who accepts our family wth all it porblems and pculiarities and genuinely loves us!

Blessed oh yes!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

So why is it that forthe last few day I have felt like I have swallowed a lump hammer whole?

I have this lump in my chest weighing me down....it feels like a real weight pressing down in the centre of my being.

every way I look at our family life I see problems I cannot solve.

Jonathan:- He is not right...cant put a finger on it but is tired, quiet, not engaging fully. His skin complaint is worse than ever and the dermatologist was just dismisive of it as eczma..use the creams and deal with it. It is flareing badly again and he looks scalded. His vision worries me, he has no useful vision in his left eye andhis right eye is deteriorating. This is his last year at school...we hop for the Sense College from then but there are hoops to jump through and funing to secure!

Rosie. Rosie's Epilepsy is so variable and it scares me! I dont undestand it, I dont know sometimes whether I am seeing seizure activity or somthing else...Often school or other caregivers dont react when sheis having prolonged seizure activity causing her unnecesary distress. Then she developped this loss of appetite and preference for yoghurt type foods. The gastroscop showed a narrowing of her oesophagus and we are now awaiting "urgent" investigations....my urgent and the health service urgent are very different. another blessing to count...we do hav thenational health service so no added complications of payment etc...but still Iwant to know now...I need to know if Rosie is ok being given foods...did we ought to be changing anything about her feeding etc...is her current cough just a cold ...she does not have the usual accompanying cold symptoms..no temperature....is this cough to do with aspiration? is she having a pooling of food that is not going down the oesophagus....I just dont know and am not sure how I should be dealing with it. her Speech Therapist is not very approachable, not even sure I want to bring it up with her just now... but it worries me...of course the WHY? is huge!

Joshua has gone to Secondary School this year...there are issues over his transport...will they pay willhey not...thee are issues over his vision, the VI teacher has been great so far, the orhtoptist i brilliant...but the worry remains over whether school staff will actually remember that he is severely visually impaired...he has to remind the PE staff every lesson that he cannot simply remove his glasses! He also needs to have work made larger in some clases, make sure he can see the board, lesson objective not haveto share a text book etc etc. Joshua has a natural flair for maths...yet the work he is doing at the moment is so simple he barely has to think about it.

Christina is the one giving us the least cause for concern, however i am aware that her emotional well being is not always easy to judge and we have to be awar of the subtle issues she deals with. he planning for next school year must not get forgotten amidst the worries and concerns of everyone else. It is a difficult balancing act with her...she is very easily led and is taking on the behavioursof her friends that we would rtther she left behind. Keepingher mindful of her committment as a Christian without making her resent it is also a difficult balance.

Eve...still waitin for the aswers following her abnormal MRI in July...once again the meaning of urgent is different for the medical profession that for Mum and Dad. We have her EEG this Thursday followed by a neurology appointment on 22nd...once again I am left wondering what is important and what is insignificant in what I see of her. I just dont know how to interpret her tiredness, her twitchiness, her los of tone etc etc.
Then their is school, Eve wants and needs to be with mainstream peers, she has accademic ability that needs to be stretched, mainstream school is proving another battle, one i have vey little energy left to fight. This week she has started full time at the special school..she was very happy there yesterday, she was very happy to be going off there again today...BUT it is not the best placement for her .

On top of the medical issues is the building work, the ongoing battle with the LA and District council to get the needs adequately assessed and the needs met. Then there is living with builders working on the house. The constant delays and irritations that happen ad the frustration that brings with it. The Interfereing trouble making of someone trying to cause friction between david and the builder, trying to be peacemaker in all of that. The rain that stops all work progressing and causes more delays in the work.

of course all the usual stuff still has to be kept on top of...washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, childcare, drug orders...drug giving and taking, hair brushing, home work, keping routines going where possible, ensuring feeds are set up, suctions cleaned, school bags packed, School books read and writen in, paperwork mountain kept to a minimum....or at leas checked occasionally for stuff that is vitally important.

I think i am just inadequate for the job! Can I have some unpaid leave...time alone with no worries...just a month?????

2 weeks then?????

no

How about 2 hours?????just to do something for me?????

I can go to my Bone scan tomorrow??? thanks at least i'll get to lay down in a darkened room for 20 minutes!!!

I'll give me chance to plan Thursday moning whenI have to get Eve to an 8.30 appointment 2 1/2 hours from home!!! and be confidet that everyone else will get where they should be and home again and every one stays happy just for the day....pretty please?????

prayer as always gratefully recieved!